Monthly Archives: April 2012
What do you say when you meet a walking, talking taco and toilet coming down the street? At a loss for words? Yup, me too. For Whack-A-Doodle Wednesday I thought I would share a small slice of my weekend that is still sticking with me like those shrimp chips I ate last night when I was drunk.
I see a lot of strange things in California but even at an event where some people wear costumes, this takes the cake. No, it wasn’t Halloween. This was a semi-historical venue that was hosting a “steampunk weekend”. Still the costume optional aspect of this event should not have elicited the response of “hmmmm, let’s dress up as a greasy high calorie food and a crapper”. Though I do see how those costumes are a bit symbiotic in a disturbing way. Not even a hoop skirt or a pair of goggles could have helped this sad concept.
Allow me to share my surreal conversation.
Me: Excuse me but what are you?
Taco: I’m a taco and she’s a toilet. WE’RE FROM THE FUTURE! (Yes, that part was yelled in a lusty tone.)
Me: Did you lose a bet? (Actually I said “Didst thou lose a wager” but for the sake of ease I will translate to lazy American speak.)
Taco: Did you? (Good one. Actually I did but I wasn’t going to tell her that.)
Me: So good woman, what purpose do you serve?
Taco: I’m delicious. (Really? Better than Fois Gras? I think not!)
Me: And your companion?
Taco: She’s practical. (Nothing like being the wingman to Taco Girl. Actually of the pair I think the toilet is the one that lost the bet in the costume department. No self-respecting female really wants to be seen out in public as a toilet. It’s damn hard to make that costume “sexy”.)
Me: So then the both of you together are practically delicious! (I chortle at my wit. The taco looked confused. The toilet just looked uncomfortable. I wonder if she felt the need to use herself and the concept was flumoxing her. Honestly I would have paid money to see toilet girl trying to shove her faux porcelain mass into a portable john. Ahh, the irony of it all!)
The lesson to this story, don’t leave the house dressed as food or plumbing even if costumes are “admired but not required”. If you do, understand that people are going to remark on it. If you didn’t want the questions, you should have gone as Naughty Nurse Jessica Rabbit and called it a day.
So today for Whack-A-Doodle Wednesday, I am sad to report the fall of the British Empire. I know, I know, that ship sailed when they left India (taking curry and cool fashions as the consolation prize) but this is an intellectual fall they are experiencing now and it makes me weep.
To me, our brothers and sisters across the pond have served as a reminder of our more cultured selves. Perhaps it’s watching all that Masterpiece Theatre, the BBC and dressing up like the Queen of England on weekends but that’s how it is. Until now.
I have just discovered that Pizza Hut, in one of the foulest experiments known to human kind, is debuting a….. hot dog stuffed inside the crust of their already dough heavy pizzas. Yeah, first we had cheese filled crust, now we have hot dog filled crust and it’s only available in the UK! I would expect an abomination like this to be peddled to the good people of Squirrel Butt, Arkansas but I thought the British were smarter. Evidently not.
England, you send Jamie Oliver over here to show us the error of our food ways, how we are killing ourselves and our kids with high fat, empty calorie crap and then you eat THIS?! Are you kidding me?
I am going to pray that the stiff upper lip, moral fiber of the British people come to the fore, they reject this insidious abomination and have some nice kippers with their farm fresh eggs. If Britain falls, we are all doomed!