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Halloween Costumes Enter The Age of Television

So today for your Monday Morning Funny, we continue with the parade of bad Ben Cooper kiddie Halloween costumes.

When some of us were kids, sitting around our newfangled COLOR TV sets, we were treated to a cornucopia of family programming such as The Brady Bunch, Gillian’s Island, Adam-12, Emergency and Dragnet. There was also Love American Style (truer than the red, white and blue), Laugh-In and Happy Days. Here are a few blasts from the past –

Suicide may be painless but the changes this costume brings are too many to count but I’ll give it a go. The drawn on lapels, the painted on buttons and belt, the standard name across your chest so people know for sure who you are and the slick plastic jumpsuit. The mask is also terrifying in a dead corpse way and doesn’t convey the hard-working, army doctor feel.

What is wrong with just going to the army/navy store, buying some Army greens and putting a red cross on them? OR if you really want that M*A*S*H feel, pair those with a bathrobe, cowboy hat and a martini glass for that dashing Hawkeye Pierce look.

Moving on to the land of WTF, I give you The Love Boat, Exciting and New! Oh yes, come aboard, we’ve been expecting you!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you – Captain Stubing! The happiest Captain ever to sail the Caribbean with a bunch of horny and angst filled passengers. Oh and that wacky crew! Who could forget perky Julie the Cruise Director, Issac the wise-cracking, hip bartender (Look at how progressive we are! We have a black bartender to liven up our white crew! It’s almost like The Mod Squad!), Doc the ship’s doctor who we know is smart because he wears glasses and of course Gopher who grew up to be a Congressman!

The thing that’s most terrifying about this costume, aside from the slightly creepy pedophile Uncle mask is the jumpsuit itself. A life saver? Really? You put a giant, round life-saver on the front of this costume with a big picture of the whole cast? I suppose since the creepy mask has the hat on, people will be able to pick your character out of the handy line-up you’ve provided them. GAK!!!

Again, white pants, white shirt, white sailing hat, black shoes – you are done. What is so hard?

Next time? A potpourri of horror from films, to music groups to puzzles. Yeah, the strangeness continues.

Armageddon is Coming in the Form of TubeFlops

Thanks to the wonderful Diana for alerting me to this new fashion horror that crash landed on the planet last September.  Some mental defective who was sniffing too much glue came up with the idea of attaching tube socks to flip flops.  Yes, stripey tube socks ATTACHED TO THE SIDES of flip flops!!!!

The pajama jeans are bad BUT at a distance with your eyes all squinty, they can pass for normal clothes however this fashion monstrosity will never pass as anything but a really bad craft project.  Honestly, if you walk outside wearing these people will say “Look who was dropping acid, eating shrooms, and then decided to get all creative with a glue gun last night after taking the last hit on the crack pipe.”  They will laugh and then they will mock you to your face.

Don’t believe me?  Watch the promotional video:

BTW, hot chicks (like the ones shown in the video) do NOT wear these shoes and rarely get in silly string fights like this.  That is just for bad porn, Penthouse forum and bad promo videos like this one.  They are wearing these horrid things because someone PAID THEM.  Hell, I’d wear them at a photo shoot if someone paid me.  I’m a whore, I admit it but I’m NOT stepping foot outside the house in something like this without serious bank and neither should you!