The Newest Financial Adventure of “The Hedgehog”

I was going to save this for Whack-A-Doodle Wednesday but I just couldn’t wait. First off, this is not about those cute little critters that totter around your garden. Nope, I am talking about the King of Porn – Ron Jeremy. If you are confused about the nickname, I’m not going to explain it to you. Go watch one of his… 2,000 skin flicks.

Anyway, this isn’t about porn or Ron Jeremy’s jimmy or a new sexbot some geek invented in their basement. Nope, it’s about booze. It seems Ron Jeremy has his own rum now. I shit you not: http://www.rondejeremy.com/#theRum It’s called “Ron de Jeremy – the Adult Rum”. You can order it on-line! Yes! You too can own your own numbered, limited edition bottle of Ron de Jeremy. I am really tempted. It’s a little like Billy Beer only classier… sort of.

Is this what all the porn stars are drinking? Are they pouring this at AdultCon in Los Angeles this year? Am I weird that I’m kinda wondering what this rum tastes like? I figure if anything, a bottle of Ron de Jeremy would be an interesting conversation piece. I’ll let you know if he shows up for a bottle signing at a BevMo near me. That would be one thing I would have to see!

Why Adult Entertainment is not Evil

I suppose I am not really a good example of womanhood. I think more like a man than a woman. I like to think of it as practical rather than a betrayal of my sex. I like to swear, tell naughty stories and am not ashamed of adult entertainment.  I admit I am perplexed by the behaviour of some of my sisters. They completly loose their minds if their men look at a magazine, check out a pretty girl or view a film that shows any bare body parts whatsoever.

Now I am not talking about people who have a problem. There is such a thing as too much of a good thing. Anyone who has a willing partner/s and has to then drown themselves in adult films every free second of the day has a problem. Too many drugs, too much candy, spending every second of your day on WoW, not working and being glued to the 24-hour porn channel,  it’s all the same thing.  I mean, guys, you do realize those girls have more manufactured parts than my Saturn?

Anyway, I think adult entertainment serves a fine purpose and while I wish that production values would increase a bit or story lines would be better in some films, I understand the challenge when you have only 2 men, 3 women, a Fiji Tribesman and a vat of butter to work with. Now ladies if I had a husband, I would have no problem with him reading racy mags, looking at pictures or films as long as he didn’t obsess about it and he was interested in me. It’s normal and healthy and I don’t see a reason for hysterical outbursts. Why upset your men that way? That won’t make them stop looking, it will only make them lie to you about it. Honestly, to me, lying is worse than a peek at a pretty girl.

Let me share with you one vintage film of great… umm, enjoyment and humor. Shannon D showed this to me and my roommate during one of our movie nights. I don’t remember the title but the plot breakdown is this: Hippies go hiking in the woods, Bigfoot grabs one hippie chick, takes her back to his tastefully decorated bachelor pad cave, takes off her top, paws her, leaves, blocks the entrance with a tumbleweed and goes off to grab another hippie chick. When he returns the first chick is still there because obviously that tumbleweed was just too heavy for her to move. He paws the new chick and then leaves as before. I guess the lesson to this film is that if you get abducted by Bigfoot know he is a player, will bring back multiple women and then leave you unsatisfied without his number. Now honestly, how fun is that? Oh come on, laugh!

I know, you are saying – well that was from the 70’s and it wasn’t explicit. True, true but there are equally interesting stories of modern films that I think women would enjoy watching or at least the titles are amusing: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Bone, Hot Dallas Nights, or that Beatrix Potter remake “Squirrel Nutkin and His Nuts of Steel”. There is that one with Savannah and the hot twin “ghosts” or one that I haven’t seen but I sooooo want to give to all people who are into Pirates. “Pyrates! The Musical – an all girl pyrate romp”. Now come on! That may change the amount of Jack Sparrows we see at the average street festival to Jill Sparrows. You see, adult entertainment can be used for good instead of evil.

Why can’t we just have fun with our sexuality?  Why do people have to be so uptight?  I know San Francisco is the modern equivalent of the Whore of Babylon to some people but there are a ton of puritanical tight asses in this city and for the life of me I can’t figure out why.  Do we really have to be like those no-fun, non-tolerant, Puritan pilgrims that made Plymouth Rock the life of the party?  Come on people, lets have fun with pretty panties, naughty books, sparkly powder, vibrating rabbits and all kinds of things that were invented for fun.

Well that’s it for today.  Hope this gets your Monday off to a great start. Next time I’ll write about everyones favorite bath tub toy – the Rubber Ducky and why he makes bath time so much fun. (with thanks to Sesame Street and Ernie’s rubber ducky song)