Are Babies Really Made Of Marzipan?

Last week, while I was visiting my friend Ragani’s newborn daughter, her husband told me the baby was made of marzipan and I love me some marzipan.  I had no idea the tasty almond paste idea could turn out to be so literal.  While we were chatting, Ragani turned me on to a topic worthy of Whack-A-Doodle Wednesday.  FREAKY BABY SHOWER CAKES!  OK people, some of this is just sick!  What is wrong with you?  The parade of “wrong” is vast and varied.  First is the “preggers cake”

I guess this is “Jennas baby shower cake”.  Jenna, I don’t know which of your sicko friends who got you this but I think sinking a knife into your pregnant abdomen (even if it is cake) is pretty freaky.  I wouldn’t want to eat that.  Then again, I never wanted to be pregnant.  This cake just rams home to me the reason I made the best choice.  It’s almost as freaky as using hair conditioner made with placenta.  *shudder*

Now if that isn’t bad enough, how about THIS for a baby shower cake?

I can just hear the unspoken conversation at this party.  “Hey Cindy!  Congratulations on the new baby!  In honor of this joyous event, let us all sacrifice this lifelike replica of the baby, cut into its face and eat it.  In this way we can ensure your baby stays safe from space cannibals who might wish to do him harm.”

Did this decorator do a great sculpting job?  Sure but just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you SHOULD.  I’m sure this person could also sculpt a fantastic beadazzelled vagina as well but that doesn’t mean I want to serve that at a party either.  In fact, I’m so sure someone, somewhere has done it that I refuse to look it up on the web.

Now if neither of those are to your liking, how about this melding of the basic baby shower concepts.  Baby and cake.

I don’t know about you but nothing says “yummy party food” like a baby baked into a giant cake ball.  The only problem with this cake is the inherent serving issues.  I mean, how to you cut this cake?  Do you slice the baby limbs and baby head off first and then cut the cake into large wedges?  What do you do with the dismembered baby parts then?  Slice them into bite sized pieces?  Prop them up as a display?

Do you understand now how sick this whole concept is?  Do me a favor.  Don’t order one of these ever.  If this was some kind of ghastly surprise from a friend, I have news for you.  They aren’t your friend.  Boot them in the vagina, throw the cake at them and slam the door in their face.  They wish you and your baby ill.  Don’t perpetuate this terrible cycle of baby abuse and bad taste.  I know you will do the right thing.

If you want to check out more cake disasters go to –

Posted on September 15, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 9 Comments.

  1. I thought babies were the new white meat? Marzipan is much tastier, though…

  2. What makes them all *really* twisted is that the execution (as it were) is so amazing. These are beautiful, and if any of them was just a centerpiece not meant to be eaten, it would be cute and kind of funny. This… not so much.

  3. Okay. You did it again–do you know how weird it is to be shuddering with butt-puckering revulsion while at the same time laughing so hard that I snarf coffee through my nose? That’s IT. I will never read your stuff while imbibing the morning brew again!

  4. OMG I love the baby cakes on the Cake Wrecks web site. They are just so sick and wrong. I cannot think what possible posseses these people to makes these cakes.

  5. This is probably not the part where I should tell you about the preggo-zombie cake that we made for a friends late-October baby shower.

    She loved it, I swear.

    Actually, we passed it by her grandmother first – and she thought it was brilliant.

    I think this really just says more about the wierd friends I have (and the wierd friend I am) than anything else.

  6. I also like the “Superheroes Gone Wrong” cakes on Cake Wrecks. Also, you as a writer, would also LOVE the misspellings & miscommunication section. That’s some comedy, there. What started out as a simple blog has now become a full fledged phenomena…

    Oh, and I loves me some marzipan!

  7. The prego cake is odd, but the other 2 are seriously gross.

  8. Where can I get that cake withe the belly and shirt

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