In honor of Pt. 1 of The Deathly Hallows coming out today, here is a vintage blog from July 20, 2007.
(NOTE: this is just a humorous send up on the Potter craze and has no bearing on the real book or its plot. In fact, I will rip the testicles off anyone who spoils the book for me and as a result I wont be on-line after 7pm tonight until Monday pm.)
I got a copy of the book from a back alley in Chinatown. A man wearing a baseball cap, a long coat and carrying a rabbit lured me into a dark alley, smelling of canola oil, duck fat and week old noodles. I only paid 34,294,098 yen or rubles or something mysterious and foreign for it. I think that amounted to about $10.77 in US dollars.
So I figured I would give you the highlights before you go to your Potter party tonight.
DRACO MALFOY was blamed for killing Dumbledore in the last book even though Snape did it. It was part of Dumbledore’s great plan. We never find out what that plan exactly was as you will see later, it really doesn’t matter. Draco dumps Pansy Parkinson and ends up in a hot, torrid, drama-filled, homosexual relationship with HARRY POTTER. They run off to Fire Island and start a small antique business.
RON & HERMIONE get married. She nags him relentlessly until he is forced to run off in the middle of the night and join a house elf commune in Surrey. He has taken up cooking, cleaning and not wearing clothes.
PERCY WEASLEY finally steps up to fight the dark side but because he is such a HUGE git, he gets killed in combat by his own troops. They celebrate with tea & bickies.
TONKS & LUPIN ummmm… well she was too young for him anyway. He dies in battle and she dies in a tragic butter beer incident from depression. She really was too young for him.
SNAPE was always misunderstood, has been working for the good side all this time and was only doing what Dumbledore told him to do. However being sick & tired of everyone always giving him shit, he moves to America and hooks up with me in this little cafe after George Lucas and I had a spat… O yeah, sorry… He started drinking mass quantities, bumped off LUCIUS MALFOY with a well placed potion and ran off with NARCISSA.
Albus Dumbledore’s brother ALFREDO (or whatever he name is) comes back to save the day with Fawkes, a blender and a small weasel.
GINNIE WEASLEY runs off with NEVILLE after being dumped by HARRY. Neville learns how to dance and has a HUGE ….. personality. They live happily ever after.
SIRIUS BLACK & ALBUS DUMBLEDORE are still dead.
Oh yeah, and LORD VOLDEMORT dies. Alfredos weasel… ummmmm… does him in.
Oh and what do those mysterious initials mean? Nothing. They were just a red herring to keep you away from the truly shocking ending of Malfoy and Harry running off together.
This afternoon I am going to be on blog radio talking about my work with school kids, teaching history with Presenters of Living History, my writing and general empowerment through entertainment. I will be on next week at the same time talking about Queen Elizabeth. If you can’t listen live, you can download the show after the fact for free and listen.
This show/radio blog – Women Making A Difference – is based on the TV talk show special “Women Making a Difference” shown in Milwaukee by Eden Place Productions and hosted by DeAnna Radaj of Bante Design LLC. Meet inspiring women as they share their stories! DeAnna Radaj, host of the show & owner of Bante Design LLC. Awesome and fabulous women are interviewed who make a difference in their community, state and/or beyond through service work or their business. Meet business CEOs, non-profit heads or women who volunteer their time/money to mentor, volunteer or donate. You’ll be inspired!
As a California Girl, born and bred, I never had the inclination to travel farther north than Sonoma. Let’s face it, most Californians think of the upper reaches of our State as Oregon. Have you ever been to Oregon? I think there are 5,000 people in the entire State.
However one weekend in late summer I grabbed one of my girlfriends and we made a trek to Seattle. Why? We were meeting friends we had met online and were going to hang out for the weekend. The weather was in our favor, the sun was out, we saw so many cool things that I was shocked.
I had no idea that part of old Seattle is underground and still there to see. There was the Pike’s Place Market where they toss fish and we gobbled a bag of the most delectable fresh made, wee cinnamon sugar donuts ever! We had dinner and drank, we went to a bar, watched a band and drank, we drank and we drank.
So what do you do when you are out on the town in Seattle in the Pike’s Place Market area with new friends, old friends and a fleet of whiskey sours? You go to the gum wall.
The what?! Yes, I can hear it from here. The GUM wall as in a wall of gum. Chewing gum. People chew gum and stick it on this wall. Actually it is the side of a building and the gum goes up pretty high. When I first took this picture and showed it to friends, they thought it was a bunch of condoms. I can see their point. But it’s not. It’s gum. Real American Chewing Gum. It’s surreal.
The two bright green pieces are mine and my girlfriends. The other bright green piece that is stringy and going around our gum is our new friend Miss Amy. It just makes me feel all warm and fuzzy knowing our friendship is immortalized in gum on an alley wall in Seattle for all to see. Gum is the glue that holds friendships together.
If you want to see it for yourself, the gum wall is in Post Alley under Pike’s Place Market and is by the Market Theatre. Locals tell me Theatresports people started sticking gum to the wall in 1993. Drama people – figures. The Market officials declared the wall on official tourist attraction in 1999. It is covered several inches thick, is over 15 feet high and travels down the building for 50 feet. Now that is a whole lot of gum.