I was a rube, a patsy, a stooge and I’m not even sure what some of those terms mean anymore considering they haven’t been in wide-spread usage 50 years. Today I just have that quaint feeling of being taken for a ride on the trolley of naiveté and rube has a good ring to it.
You see, I saw an article in some fancy, schmancy tech magazine touting the wonders that is Sigmund. It is a dream directing app. Basically, you choose from a wide variety of words and pick five that you want worked into your dream. You tell it what time you are going to bed and what time you are waking up. It will then whisper these words over and over to you in REM sleep and wake you up with an alarm in the morning.
These were the words I chose (don’t judge me) – Beach, boyfriend, lover, castle, panda. That night was a big zero. No beach scene in California or elsewhere, no romance and no panda. Granted I put the panda in to be random but nothing.
The next night I chose – Pirates, lover, mountains, rum, parrot. Fine, it sounds like a bad Jack Sparrow romance novel but nothing. In fact that night I dreamed about coming to work, being buried in spreadsheets and people calling me with the lamest support questions ever like “How do I know my computer is on?” No hot pirates, mountains, booze or birds of any kind except the one I felt like flipping people.
So last night I gave it one more try. I choose Paris, sex, car, travel, wine. I dreamed I was surrounded by huge ass cats while Alice in Wonderland was having a tea party with President Obama.
I am coming to the conclusion this app doesn’t work. All the glowing testimonials are either hooey or my subconscious is sneering at this app. The alarm clock works but my iPhone has an alarm clock already so that isn’t much of a plus.
While I’m not a total app pushover, the instant gratification one finds on line from the juvenile (Pee Monkey) to the addictive (Words with Friends) covers a wide gambit. I just have to content myself with the fact that at times there is a let-down. Just because I imagined this app would provide me with nights of Romance novel hot dreams and then didn’t deliver doesn’t mean I’m a total tweaky Muppet.