The Power Of My Peesch
So what can topple governments, start wars, raise armies and conquer the world? You guessed it! Your vagina! Personally I didn’t know my vagina had so much spare time. Perhaps it sneaks out when I’m asleep to stalk through forests, attend jousts and drive men insane. That might explain my cat waking me up last night with paw taps on my face. She wasn’t being annoying or wanting attention, she was trying to tell me that my vagina was sneaking out the front door to reek havoc.
This explains so much. The 463rd stock market crash of the past ten years, the failure of the BART system, riots in London – all caused by the power of the Va Jay Jay! Wow ladies, we are bringing the world to its knees! My only question is why? What’s the payback? What do we get except the narcissistic rush of watching men kill each other in a frenzy of awe and lust? Do we get money? Jewelery? A country of our own? I’m not seeing any kind of tangible payback in this latest, idiotic commercial from Summer’s Eve.
Now I freely admit I have no idea what the executives were thinking. Maybe they thought it was a positive affirmation of female power, maybe they thought it was evocative, romantic and stirring or maybe they were clueless douches who missed the boat completely.
First we are told by the douche industry that we smell bad, now we are told that the sole reason for male conflict, bloodshed and aggression is because of our vaginas! Yes, those tricky little things are such minxes. They are always causing trouble. I suppose if your job is to sell pine scented cootch douche you only have a few marketing avenues you can travel. You can either try to scare women with the “smell” or you can make them think if they have the best rose garden/pine forest/ocean breeze smelling vagina, you can rule the world. I mean, who wouldn’t want Spartan warriors smashing each other with heavy objects for the chance to be your new consort of the hour?
Maybe it’s just me but I would like to think that if my vagina really was the source of all this earth-shattering power, that it could be used for good. Just think about it for a minute. Women being respected for their life-giving potential as well as their skills in the boardroom as well as the battlefield. Women being held in esteem instead of being assaulted, demeaned, demoralized and treated like children. Women who are proud of their bodies and not told they are bad or evil or need the control of others to tell them what to do with them. Wow, freedom to be a mature, free-thinking adult! Now that is a power that I can get behind.