Whack-A-Doodle Wednesday – Readers Suggestions

So today for Whack-A-Doodle Wednesday I have decided to give you a selection of the strange and bizarre that have been forwarded to me by readers (as well as another slice of Hawaii).

The first is from Mer, who knows I’m a Disney fanatic though not as much as this guy is.
Now I have three tattoos (none of them Disney related) and I have no problem with tattoos per say but I think this is taking things a bit far and I’m not talking about the ink. I’m talking about the obsession and the violence and the creepy.

First clue dude, you cover your body in Disney character themed tattoos.
Second, you fill your house with Disney memorabilia.
Third, you can’t hold together a relationship because no woman can be better than Disney.
Conclusion? Dude, you have a major psychological problem. This is evidenced by you assaulting your girlfriend at the “Most Magical Place On Earth” and then trying to weasel out of it saying you were just trying to talk to her. Yeah, because that kind of level-headed thinking involves violence.

I hope after this guy serves time in jail that he gets his feet glued to a platform in Small World and has to listen to that song for a decade straight.

I also have received reports of a New York City pet store banning drunks from buying puppies (which I think is a good idea. If you can’t drink & drive you certainly shouldn’t buy a puppy), some kids in Cleveland complaining that teens beat them up and robbed their lemonaide stand (that just sounds like normal behaviour for Cleveland but…) and an Angry Bird that keeps diving at people’s heads, talons extended (protecting her nest – no reports of a slingshot have come to light).

To wrap things up in the news of the whacked, I will give you another tidbit from the 50th State. I know, what could possibly be whacked about Hawaii? Aside from the 8″ long stinging centipedes which guidebooks tell you won’t kill you however the only cure for their painful sting is to stay drunk for three days there is Dog the Bounty Hunter and “the pineapple kid”.

No, the kid wasn’t made of pineapple! You see, I was at the airport on my way home. I found out you had to put your carry-on bags through another x-ray to scan for certain kinds of produce you were not allowed to take off the island. Pineapple is one of them. Now if you buy a “pre-approved, pre-packaged, pre-sprayed for bugs” pineapple, you are golden. If you are smuggling rogue pineapple you picked in someone’s backyard you have a problem. Well this kid had a pineapple. He had it… dressed up. Yeah, it had a baby shirt on and it was in a blanket. It was his buddy or baby or strange obsession because his Mother makes him dance “I’m a little teapot” for drunk relatives. I don’t know the background but I do know it wasn’t an approved pineapple. We was going to have to either (a) chuck it in the bin or (b) eat it before getting on the plane.

Confronted with the fact that he was going to be forced to either abandon/kill or consume his little friend was melting his brain. This emotionally unstable eight year old was having a fit in magnificent fashion. I should say this was a sugar pineapple. It is wee and not a giant Dole-style pineapple.

Other people offered to eat it for him if they could find a knife or a machete but that just made things worse. Part of me wanted to film this and stick it on YouTube where it would be guaranteed to receive millions of hits and make me an internet celebrity. The other part of me felt bad for the goober who obviously has other problems aside from playing pineapple dress-up. As I passed through the line I saw the kids mother talking to him. I pictured a story about taking the pineapple to a ranch to live with other pineapples so he wouldn’t be lonely. Dad was taking to pineapple away and the kid was waving.

He may have thought that pineapple was going to a ranch but we all know it was compost time. I wonder if they got the clothes back and told him the pineapple wanted to run naked and free. I kind of hope they did.

Posted on July 13, 2011, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: