Do Not Shave Your Privates While Driving (in case you need reminding)

So today for Whack-A-Doodle Wednesday I want to talk about Megan Mariah Barnes and how she caused a car accident last March by shaving her pubes while driving. You heard me right. She was shaving her pubic area while driving a car. Here is a picture of the offender so we can all mock her.

According to news reports and the Florida Highway Patrol, the two-car crash occurred when 37-year-old Megan decided it would be a good idea to shave her bikini area while driving. To make this even weirder, she was not alone in the car. Her ex-husband was in the passenger seat steering while she shaved and worked the pedals.

Let that sink in for a minute. If she had to shave her pubes right then and there, why couldn’t she just pull over and have him drive while she shaved? Oh no, she had to speed down the highway landscaping her bush while her ex-hubby steered. Needless to say, the stupid cow allegedly rear-ended another car when he slowed down to make a legal turn ahead of her. Did they stop? Hell no! There was shaving to be done! They drove another half mile before being pulled over by police.

It seems that Miss Barnes was already driving with a suspended license, just one day after she was convicted of a DUI charge. She was charged in this incident with reckless driving, driving with a revoked license, leaving the scene of a crash with injuries, and driving without insurance. Explain to me again why she isn’t doing five years in prison.

To make this even more bizarre, she was shaving for a date with her boyfriend who she was meeting in Key West. What the ex-husband was doing in the car is open for speculation.

What I want to know is how? I mean, I don’t understand the why part of this equation but the how is even more mystifying. Was she wearing a skirt? Was she not wearing anything at all from the waist down? Let’s just go with a skirt or else my eyes will start to bleed again. The dynamics of doing this while driving just defy logic, good sense and physics.

You have a razor. Razors are sharp. If they weren’t, you would just be running a dull butter knife over your hair and that would defeat the purpose. We all know that roads have bumps and dips and at times you need to stomp on the brakes when the guy in front of you is driving like an ass or a kid runs into the street. How do you shave your kitty without giving yourself a clitoridectomy? Why didn’t she do this before she left the house? If she had to do it in transit, couldn’t she have pulled off the road and parked in an alley or other lonely place frequented by $10 hookers and crack addicts? Honestly, I kind of hope she did give herself a cliterectomy. After all, female circumcision seems like a just reward for this kind of stupid.

Posted on May 11, 2011, in Uncategorized and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. It is reading stuff like this that makes me wish my “superpower” is to be able to shoot people in the head and never be caught. Certainly this would be justifiable homicide!

  2. Battery-powered electric razor. They are not sharp or hazardous in this situation. And probably would not do a very good job of it anyway.

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