Terrorists On A Plane.. or not

So today for Whack-A-Doodle Wednesday, I think we can all agree on a few things. (1) TSA is all jumpy about terrorists. (2) The Government is all jumpy about terrorists. (3) You shouldn’t behave like an asshat on a plane because over one hundred people are in a tin can, rocketing across the sky at 400 MPH over 30,000 ft above sea level and it’s frackin’ stupid! That being said, it is amazing how many people still continue to do stupid stunts on planes and how much the government over-reacts.

January 11, 2011 – Three idiots decided to get shit-faced drunk at the back of the plane on a flight into SFO. They became beligerent, demanded more booze, started making stupid threats and might have even requested farm animals. Since we are a litigious society, I’m sure the flight attendents didn’t want to be sued for just bitch slapping them and zip typing them to their chairs so the rest of the passengers could pelt them with full cans of Clamato (because who drinks that shit anyway?). The upshot? They called out the military!

Yup, the plane got an escort of two F-16’s as it made an emergency landing in Colorado Springs. The drunks were taken off the plane by the goon squad to find out what really happens in a Turkish prison. I can hear them now, “Dude! I wasn’t serious about the sheep, the stick of butter and the scary clown!” My question, how much did the jet escort/fuel/pilot saleries cost and how is paying for that shit? Oh, yeah… US! Just on that point alone, I vote for zip tying drunks into their seats and chucking soda cans at them. It’s a good plan.

Then of course there is how they deal with these kinds of threats abroad:

March 22, 2011 (Scotland) – Direct to you from the UK, though Scotland really does their own thing. It seems two blokes/chaps/bobbie boys who were pissed off their rocker (Hey! It’s how they talk there!) decided to hop the fence of a small airport and molest a private plane. Let me post the article as it appeared via the Scottish TV website http://www.stv.tv/ Comments in brackets ( ) are mine.

“Two drunk friends who climbed over an airport fence and tampered with the controls in a plane cockpit have been ordered to pay £1000 compensation. (That is around $2,000 each in our money)

The airport was placed on high alert before security were called to find one of the men wearing a pink cowboy hat, straddling an airplane with a fire extinguisher and covered in foam. (Alright, THAT is a story right there!)

Patrick Grigor, 25, and David Sneath, 26, both of Dundee, stumbled out of a nightclub and walked to Dundee Airport where they climbed its security fence and entered the aeroplane hangar.

The pair of Pizza Hut workers (that explains sooo much) managed to break into three aircraft and into the cockpit of one plane. They also discharged a fire extinguisher over five planes, causing £8400 worth of damage ($17,000), and grounding them until detailed safety checks were carried out.

On Tuesday Grigor and Sneath told Dundee Sheriff Court they had each paid £1650 in compensation to airport owners Tayside Aviation and had stayed out of trouble since the drunken escapade on May 20, 2009.

Sheriff George Way ordered them to each pay a further £1000 in compensation to the airport owners. (So that makes it about 5k each they had to pay for their Girls Gone Wild foam spraying spree)

The sheriff told the pair: “The first of my objectives in this matter has been achieved. Since you were last in court, the memory of the escapade would’ve come back to haunt you every time you paid compensation money. (Dude, they work at Pizza Hut, I don’t think they are that remorseful about the stunt, just paying the cash.)

“You will recall the risks you put yourself at. You’re very lucky there was no accident of some kind. (Yeah, you could have been hauled off by TSA to the scary clown prison!)

“It could have been very dangerous for you, especially if the security guards had been armed.” (Which they aren’t because it’s England/UK/the former British Empire but that threat is still there boyo! They will definitely give you a stern talking to!)

The court previously heard how a Dundee Airport security officer found the pair in the controlled area, looking into the cockpit of a plane with one of them covered from head to toe in white powder. (Damn! That is a whole lot of anthrax!)

Outside court the friends were still embarrassed about the incident.

Sneath said: “We want to move on. It was extremely embarrassing for us and our families, and especially tough trying to explain it to employers.” (I can imagine. Well Sir, we were at the Pub, got pissed, couldn’t find any tarts on the stroll so we decided to roger an airplane. The foam? We saw it at a Jonas Brothers concert. We’re really embaressed about that.)

Grigor added: “We’ve made a lot of financial contributions which have been tough in this economic climate, and we’ve stayed out of trouble. (I should hope so! Now go back to making bad pizza!)

“We’ve had a lot of banter with mates over it and, to be fair, it’s been a good ice breaker.” (See?! I told you they aren’t really sorry! They are just very sorry they got caught and had to pay the money. If they had gotten away, it would have just been a story to tell their drunken mates and a goal for other rowdy males to top.)

The lesson today? If you are going to do something stupid involving a plane, do it in the UK. Paying a fine for your stupidity is always better than the TSA clown jail alternative.

Posted on March 23, 2011, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Amusing read, But I’m unsure why you’d ‘dumb down’ the currecny conversion to a 2:1 ratio.

    • You would be surprised how many people in this country have no idea what the general price equivalent is with US dollars. (EU fluctuation not withstanding) It’s sad but true. I couldn’t even count the posts on Facebook from people who had to explain who Elizabeth Taylor was to people under 30. You would have a better chance of the average American knowing the jingle for the latest soda advert than knowing the capital of New York (Albany).

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