Naked Ghost Hunters And Vampires And Drunk Bears, O My!

So today for Whack-A-Doodle Wednesday, I thought I would give you a few strange news stories to ease the fact that the country is in the financial crapper, Billionaires are whining they aren’t rich enough while I look for a new box to live in and some government cheese to eat.

First up: It seems a man was nabbed in a southern Mississippi cemetery buck ass naked where he says he was trying to take pictures of ghosts. Mr. Nature Boy claims that bare skin is “the best canvas to show spirits’ orbs of energy.” Really? I don’t recall the Ghost Hunters on TV doing this.

Evidently, at first he thought taking off his shirt would be sufficient but hey, why just a shirt when the full monty affords much more of a painting surface? He now calls this idea “stupid.” You think?!

Now I’ve had some interesting times in graveyards, one involves a night where I broke eight laws and didn’t get caught (because God protects animals, children and morons). Evidently he was either not moronic enough or God found his stunt displeasing.

How did he get busted? It seems he set off a motion-activated camera that had been installed to try to catch vandals. Shane Tucker, the chief deputy in Pearl River County, said Hurst was not accused of vandalism, but the camera caught an unexpected image of Hurst naked. My, that must have been an eye-opener down at the station. I guess it was a slow night, units were dispatched and the photog was arrested for indecent exposure.

Next up on the hit parade, some wanna-be “Satanist Vampire” who decided to brand the letter V into the forehead of some idiot teen he tricked into “playing a game” where he tied him up then proceeded to burn him with cigarettes, heat a spoon and sear a V into the kids forehead. The only thing this whack job is being charged with is second degree assault. I guess kidnapping is out since his victim went along with the stupid parade until things got a little too weird. How about paying for the plastic surgery? That would be a start.

Let this be a lesson to you lame Twilight teens. There are scary people out there, Vampires don’t sparkle and if someone wants to tie you up for Vampire initiation fun, you say “NO!”, boot them in the junk and run. Don’t kids have common sense anymore?

In Baker Lake, Washington, it seems a black bear discovered to joys of living cheap and fast in the human world. He broke into a cooler, drank near four dozen Rainier beers and passed out. The bear was fine after he slept it off. Rangers trapped him for relocation using donuts, honey and more Rainier beer as lures. It worked. He is now roaming the mountain wilds in search of another party. At least he was a semi-discernible bear. The rangers reported the cans of Bud when untouched.

In the immortal words of the “Bad Idea Bears” from “Avenue Q”:

Bad Idea Bear 1: “Hey Princeton, what are you doing tonight?”
Princeton: “Probably just watching tv.”
Bad Idea Bear 2: “You know what goes great with tv? Beer!”
Princeton: “I’m unemployed, I can’t afford beer.”
Bear 1: “You can afford a six-pack.”
Princeton: “Well, maybe a six-pack.”
Bear 2: “You know what’s better than a six-pack? A whole case!”
Princeton: “A case of beers? No, I can’t get a whole case.”
Bear 1: “But you’re on a budget! You’re wasting money in the long run if you don’t buy in bulk!”
Princeton: “Well I guess that makes sense.”
– Avenue Q

I think we can learn something from those bears. I’m not sure what but there’s a lesson in there somewhere.

Posted on December 15, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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