Stupid Boy Tricks

The other day, I came home from a job fair that was a colossal waste of time, I might add, to find a gem of happiness in my email. A job offer? I wish! No, my father sent me an AP news article from the Nevada Appeal that was right out of A Christmas Story:

Indiana Boy Licks Light Pole, Gets Stuck

HAMMOND, Ind. — In a scene straight out of the movie “A Christmas Story,” a 10-year-old Indiana boy got his tongue stuck to a metal light pole.

Hammond police say the unidentified fourth-grader was able to tell them that a friend dared him to lick the pole Wednesday night. Temperatures in the Chicago suburb were around 10 degrees at the time.

By the time an ambulance arrived, the boy was able to yank his tongue off the frozen pole. Police say ambulance personnel explained to the boy’s mother how to care for his bleeding tongue.

The 1983 movie is set in a fictional city based on Hammond, the hometown of author Jean Shepherd.

This got me thinking of “Stupid Boy Tricks” or SBT for short. This kinda sounds like a social disease doesn’t it? I can see it now, we can have fundraisers for SBT, raise a ton of money and help eliminate SBT in our lifetime. Of course if we do, our random entertainment quotient will drop considerably.

Here is the thing, while stupidity is gender neutral, I feel there are certain behaviors which are more likely to be performed predominantly by one sex or the other. Sticking your tongue to a metal pole in the winter is a male one.

Other boy tricks veer from the innocuous (jumping up to hit low hanging awnings), to the gross (belching or farting words or tunes) to the insane (emergency room visits because you “sat” on various objects by mistake. Wow! How did THAT get there?!). I really don’t see very many girls doing these things.

Other tricks I have seen that are uniquely male are lighting things on fire, especially farts, being obsessed with Fantasy Football and writing their name in the snow. Don’t tell me about the one gal in the comfy shoes who you saw do it. I am sure there are a handful of capable sisters but on the whole it doesn’t work. Hey! I tried this when I was 7 and you know what happened? Yup, a mess all over the floor that I had to clean up. It never really connected in my brain at that age that there was a REASON boys could stand up while doing their business and gals didn’t and it isn’t because they are lazy. Lazy for men is sitting down to do your light housekeeping as opposed to your heavy lifting if you know what I mean.

So what causes the Stupid Boy Trick behavior? Is it testosterone? Is it a compulsion? A need to exhibit, preen or mark territory? I have no idea but if it wasn’t for SBT, there would be 12,850 less “kicked in the balls/nuts” videos on YouTube so I suppose you could make an argument banning SBT’s would be to the betterment of society.

But I’m not so sure. I mean after Midnight Margarita Madness parties, if you didn’t have these videos to look at, what would you do? Stop traffic with your cutting wit?

Posted on December 13, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. My all-time favorite SBT…

    Introducing city living cousins to the joys of electric fences. Never managed to do a wet connection, but even dry connections can introduce some new dance moves.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: