Bah Humbug Macy*s!
You may or may not have heard this but the movie “The Miracle on 34th Street” just became real. Sort of.
I’m sure everyone has seen that classic movie or at least the remake. Here are the cliff notes: Santa Claus gets a job as the holiday Santa at Coles Department store in New York City. Smart, mouthy child doesn’t believe. Santa loses job on trumped up charges. Lawyers have to prove Santa is real. They do, kid believes, happiness ensues. The end.”
I think we all know that the fictional Cole’s Department store is Macy’s. They are the one with the huge Thanksgiving parade in New York City each year. Well, in our very own city of San Francisco, Macy’s is at it again. They fired Santa. Santa John has been the Macy’s Santa at their Union Square store for twenty years and they canned him. Why? Because a couple of old people with no sense of humor complained about a joke he told.
What was this joke? Well first, let me say they were sitting on his lap at the time. Not that there is anything wrong with that but Santa wasn’t yelling “PENIS!” or “WHORE” at the top of his lungs to passers by. Santa wasn’t flashing. Santa wasn’t drunk. Santa was doing his job. A pair of adults in their seventies, sat on Santa’s lap of their own volition.
When asked about his patter to adults, Santa John replied “When I ask the older people who sit on my lap if they’ve been good and they say, ‘Yes,’ I say, ‘Gee, that’s too bad.’ Then, if they ask why Santa is so jolly, I joke that it’s because I know where all the naughty boys and girls live.”
Well Mr. and Mrs. Grinch asked the jolly question and got the jolly answer. They were incensed. Umm, what was so bad with what he said? They COMPLAINED about THAT?! These people should be beaten with a fruitcake and never be allowed to talk to Santa again. Honestly, it’s bad enough these people are so mean-spirited but what is worse is that Macy’s would fire their employee of twenty years (who has been using these same adult jokes that long) over one annoying couples whining.
I am pleased to say that the awesome pub, Lefty O’Doul’s, has offered Santa John a job. I say everyone should go there to see Santa and while you’re at it, if you have any spare change to spend on presents, do NOT spend them at Macy’s. There are other stores that are far more deserving of your hard earned dollar.