Life Lessons I Learned From Watching Barbarella

* When traveling in space, always line your ship with fur.
* When exploring a new planet, always make sure your silver sequin cape matches your sequined bikini.
* Creepy twin children should be thrown into a volcano at birth before they either hook up with Mothra or discover flesh-eating dolls.
* Always let hairy men carry you around in their strong, manly arms.
* In order to repay hairy men for giving you a lift, you should have sex with them on their fur covered bed. This may make your ride longer than you intended.
* A giant skunk pelt can make fabulous couture.
* If you ever meet an Angel and he saves your life, you need to have sex with him immediately. It will bring back his ability to fly and then he can take you where ever you need to go.
* Birds are evil. parakeets will eat you if given half a chance.
* When rebels save you from the killer parakeets, you need to immediately have sex with them.
* If you’re going to suck on a strange pipe, make sure it is “Essence of Man”.
* If some perv tries to kill you with an orgasmo Organ, your only defense is to out frack the organ.
* Remember, the hot, scary, evil lesbian who wants to do you,m isn’t so scary after all, even if she has the power to bring on an evil apocalypse.

I thought the 60’s were suppose to be about “women’s lib” as well as “free love”, though in this campy farce there is no lib to be found. I am torn between disliking this film for its demeaning to women message and wanting a sequined bikini. Great. Now I hate myself. I think a latte is in order while I re-examine these lessons to live by.

Posted on November 23, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Perhaps this is one of those instances of Men Are from Tau Ceti, Women Are from Earth kind of things, but I got none of these life lessons from that movie!

  2. The. Best. Barbarella commentary. EVAR!!

    Happy Thanksgiving!

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