Animals Gone Wild

We all love our pets but I must admit I love reading stories when the animal gets the last laugh, so to speak.  Take this bear story from New Hampshire:

A black bear walked into a New Hampshire house through an open door, ate two pears and a bunch of grapes, took a drink from the family fishbowl and grabbed a stuffed bear on its way out the door. Mary Beth Parkinson said the bear apparently took advantage of the open outside door to get into her kitchen Tuesday in Laconia, about 20 miles north of Concord. She thinks the garage door going up scared the bear enough that it fled the house.

She said she arrived in time to save the fish.

(I think it’s cute that he drank from the fishbowl and grabbed himself a teddy for night night time on his way out.  It’s so surreal, like Goldilocks in reverse.  I love this!  I hope the bear is off in the woods somewhere, with his teddy and a bowl of porridge.)

Now this one is a bit of a mystery…

Fish Found In Boys Penis

A 2cm long fish apparently found it’s way into the penis of a 14-year-old boy from India in a bizarre medical case.

The patient was admitted to hospital with complaints of pain, dribbling urine and acute urinary retention spanning a 24-hour period. According to the boy, the fish slipped into his penis while he was cleaning his aquarium at home.

Professor Vezhaventhan and Professor Jeyaraman, who treated the boy and later wrote a paper on the case, explained: “While he was cleaning the fish tank in his house, he was holding a fish in his hand and went to the toilet for passing urine. When he was passing urine, the fish slipped from his hand and entered his urethra and then he developed all these symptoms.”

After detecting the fish in the boy’s bladder, Vezhaventhan and Jeyaraman used a technique known as cystourethroscopy to insert a special set of forceps down the patient’s penis. Unfortunately, the fish was just too slippery to grip, so they resorted to using a rigid ureteroscope with a tool attached that is normally used for removing bladder stones.

The fish the urologists removed, which Practical Fishkeeping believes to be a small member of the Betta genus, measured 2cm long and 1.5cm wide.

He was later admitted into counseling to help him overcome any trauma.

(OK, let’s break this down.  The fish was 3/4″ long and a little over 1/2″ inch wide.  That’s a pretty good size for a small fish.  Go get a ruler, I’ll wait.  That fish is near as wide as it is long.  I think I would NOTICE if a fish was swimming up my penis, if I had one.

Now the “official story” wants us to believe the boy was cleaning the fish bowl, had the fish in his hands, then had to pee so I guess he had to hold his wanker and the fish – whoosh – the fish swam right in.  Ummmm, yeah..  This kid in India must think everyone’s really stupid.  Has anyone out there ever cleaned a fish tank before?  I know I have.  You scoop the fish out and put it in a seperate bowl of water while you dump the old water, clean all the bits, put new water in and re-introduce the fish.  You don’t carry the fish around in your hands.  It’s slimy, flops around and tries to get into some water so it can breathe.  You certainly don’t take it to the loo so you can have a pee first.

We all know what happened.  It falls into the category of “How did that happen?” or “Weird sexual things I tried that didn’t work out so I had to make up an idiot story.”.  The patient in question, lets call him “Timin” which is means Large Fish in Hindi, decided since he didn’t have a hamster, he’d stick a small fish up the ganges instead.  Then the fish got stuck.  He figured it would wiggle back out, it didn’t, he panicked and had to go to the hospital.  Now everyone knows, you need some kind of strange story to explain why you have a Betta (which is a pretty mean fish) up your cock-a-doodle-do.

Timin, who are you kidding?!  Just tell them what you did!  Honestly, it’s better that way.  I know you’re only 14 but you’ll learn.  Better yet, make sure the next time you get a wild hair like this, you get to an adult store to find yourself a safer toy.)

Posted on August 16, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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