Looners – 99 Luftballons (& Twilight)

Today for Whack-A-Doodle Wednesday, on a suggestion from a reader, I am exploring a fetish I never knew existed – Looners.  People who are sexually excited by balloons.  Yup, balloons.

Now I had a friend who as terrified of balloons because they pop.  The loud, startling noise which evidently gets some people off, just terrified her.  I have to agree with her.  I don’t like balloons much.  They startle me.  Just like giant guinea pigs or contortionists or Cirque clowns.

It seems there are two types of looners: “Poppers” and “Non-Poppers.” Poppers, like the sound/release of bursting the balloon either by jumping on it, bursting it with a pin, a cigarette or a Ginsu knife while Non-Poppers like to maintain balloon inflation.

As one website put it: “There is much conflict and debate between the two types of looners with non-poppers arguing that the balloon is an entity unto itself and should be spared and the poppers maintaining that the balloon is a representation of the sexual build-up and release. In fact, the debate between the poppers and non-poppers has been known to get so heated that it makes the conflict in the Middle East look like a minor squabble over who ate the last Twinkie.”

Wow.  Really?  I think if the most pressing things on people’s minds were popping or not popping balloons, we would be in a better situation as a country.  Wars?  Schools in the toilet?  People worshipping Sarah Palin?  Non-issues. Now the popping issue, much akin to Team Edward and Team Jacob, is where we should be putting our energy.  Wow.

Look, I don’t judge.  You like balloons, I get that.  I mean you REALLY like balloons.  No problem.  Just don’t bring them around me because I don’t like the popping and getting startled and that squeaky sound they make when you rub them.  I don’t even like balloon animals now that I think about it.  I know, I know, I’m a big commie but honestly, balloon animals are sad and creepy.  Think about it for a minute.  They are all spherical poodle fun until the air starts to leak out of them and then they get all saggy and strange.  You touch their nose and the latex puckers in around your finger and that totally squicks me out.  So Looners, I will leave you to it!

Now if you thought you were going to get away without a Twilight mention… yeah, it wasn’t going to happen.  It seems at a release party there were some injuries when the organizer put slips of paper listing prizes inside inflated balloons that dropped from the ceiling.  Two girls were jumping on giant balloons labeled “Team Edward” and “Team Jacob”, trying to pop the balloons in order to get the prize.  I guess they never heard of a pin.  They bounced into each other and blood ensued.  I would dearly love to report that some crazed “I think I’m a real vampire” fan jumped on the bleeding girl but that wasn’t the case.  The paramedics were called and we never found out if they got their t-shirt or bookmark or whatever prize it was that made them act like morons in the first place.

And speaking of morons, the Award for YouTube Whack-A-Doodle goes to this High Schooler from the UK and her obsessive defense of that citadel to dreck – Breaking Dawn.  It’s 5 minutes long but worth it!  Have fun – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-turfrcQY-w&feature=fvw

Posted on August 11, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Nice blog. I recently heard of Looners and find it interesting! ~P.

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