Is Paris Really This Stupid?
So today for “Whack-a-doodle Wednesday” I present everyone’s favorite baby talkin’ felon – Paris Hilton.
I am still at a loss as to why people are so fascinated with this girl. Fine, she has money but that’s about it. She’s not a Rhodes Scholar, doesn’t have much sense and isn’t all that pretty. Honestly, if a horse and a praying mantis had a love child, she would be it.
I must admit what bothers me the most isn’t her “needs to eat a whole frackin’ pie” figure but her lack of social graces. The things that pop out of her mouth just boggle the mind. Here is a classic:
“The only rule is don’t be boring and dress cute wherever you go. Life is too short to blend in.” – Words to live by, I tell ya. I must remember this when I go to the Fireman Store today to write.
Paris is also a study in contrasts. First she says “A true heiress is never mean to anyone – except a girl who steals your boyfriend.” and later we get this gem…
“All right, so I was out on Saturday. This girl looks at my boyfriend. She’s like, ‘Oh, are you a soccer player?’ because he had a soccer shirt on. It pissed me off. I’m like, ‘Get the hell away from him.’ I pushed her and she fell on her ass on the floor. She sat there crying. She kept coming back like, ‘I’m so sorry.’ She kept trying to apologise. I’m like, ‘Get away from me. Talk to the hand.’ She was so desperate.”
OK Paris, you whack-a doodle, she just asked him a question. A frackin’ question! Is that really how an heiress acts? You assault an innocent woman? Who looks desperate now?
I think my favorite Paris quote came from the show “Life on the D list”, the hilarious comedy show by my personal Goddess, Kathy Griffin. Kathy was shopping with Paris and Paris was giving her tips on how to stand like a model. She said you should keep your mouth a little open, so of course Kathy made a hummer joke and Paris replied:
“I aint ever do that. My Mom always taught me only ugly girls need to go down on their knees and do things like that.” Really? REALLY?! And yes this is a real quote. I had to play Tivo back three or four times to get all the bad grammar right. Well now, I guess we know why those engagements never worked out.
I’ll leave you with these parting pearls of Paris wisdom. “I think it’s important for girls to be confident. Believe in yourself and everybody’s hot.” as well as, “I don’t like parties past 2am. Then it’s all losers and weirdos.”
Words to live by.