Truck Nuts… Really?
So the other day, Kristen and I were in the car and saw this on the 580 heading towards The City and into The Maze.
That is a Buick. A piece of shit $2000, beater Buick with giant truck wheels and rims with a pair of chrome nuts hanging off the back bumper. Nuts. Testicles. Hanging off the back bumper! Really? REALLY?!?! I don’t think there is a single thing on Earth that makes you more of a douche than driving a beater car with monster truck wheels and a pair of metal dangly balls hanging off the back end.
It appears that truck testicles are big business, at least if you judge the market by the number of websites. Here is a collection I found in the 3 minutes I had between calling recruiters and eating cereal. “Bumper Nuts, Truck Nutz, Bull Balls, Nuts For Trucks, All the Nuts, Mister Cojones” to name a few. These nuts come in many colors, the most popular seem to be flesh, black, blue (for married men), camo, chrome and brass.
I am so not kidding. There are guys out there making money off of other guys selling them fake balls to hang off their cars, their trucks, their motorcycles and their golf carts. Why? Do men think this makes them more manly? Do they think it attracts women? Some websites think so. I really have to give it to “All The Nutz” for some of the most amusing commericals on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5GVABHtENw&feature=related
One site claimed that women went crazy for a big pair of swinging nuts hanging off your bike or golf cart. I’m sorry but they don’t really do anything for me. Do they do anything for you ladies? My theory is that if you are old enough to wear plaid polyester pants, drive around in a golf cart all day and play golf in the desert, your nuts are already hanging between your knees. What do you need fake hanging nuts for?
The most insane version of the whole nuts crazy is the “Nuts at Night”. Yup, light up nuts! You think I’m joking? Watch this – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8F8UlgyxREs
So guys do you feel the need to have nuts on your rides? Ladies, do you want to drive in a vehicle equipped with big nuts? I really would like to know.