Writing Pitfalls & Braided Pit Hair

Writing is hard.  It’s just like Barbie says “Math is hard.  Let’s go shopping!”  I wish writing was that easy sometimes. I wish I could just go shopping instead, get some inspiration and still get my pages done.  Nope.  Right now my PC is sooo slow that once I stop typing it takes 30 seconds for the words to catch up on me.  I’m hoping this doesn’t mean the laptop is dying because without a job, I really can’t afford another one now.  Maybe my wifi connection just sucks.  That is possible… Anyway…

But back to writing.  Re-writes are the worse.  Let me give you a front row seat to my brain.  Here is how things are going.  I have the book done… pretty much.  But I need to check for spelling, and words that aren’t suppose to be there and places were I put FIX THIS, or ADD MORE HERE or FLESH THIS OUT or PUT SOMETHING FUNNY HERE.  Other times I have to add pages of new material to “bridge” the gaps between funny bits.  So I go back and start writing again but sometimes I just stall.  I can’t think of anything to say.

My friend Kat said if you want to be a real writer, you have to write even when you don’t feel like writing.  Even when your muse has taken a latte break or even a trip to Boca.  You know what happens when my muse up and leaves?  This happens!

“The bedroom walls were a terra cotta with a sage green trim and the dining room were a terra otta as well.  Thesunroom was a deep yhellow with white trim and the bathroom a taupe with white trim.”

Shoot me now!  A list of paint colors with bad typos?!  REALLY??!!!  I suck but I just keep slogging on.  There are times when I go back through my Moleskine and wonder what the notes I wrote down mean.  Here are a few:

“Focus on bunch of bananas – COCKS!!! LA Weekly is porn – more about the pee response later – I’m ____ with the man in the rearview mirror – Bitch in the Lexus cut me off – Where is the dildo?”

I have NO idea what I was thinking when I jotted those down.  They were suppose to be for blogs but I have no idea where I was going with those ideas so they just sit there, enigmas of my brain, tossed out of the fast-moving car of my conciousness onto the highway of life and utterly discarded.  How’s THAT for a metaphor?

And what does all of this have to do with pit hair?  Well I was writing at The Fireman Store (the Starbucks at The Point across from the fire station) when I saw this guy come in.  If Grizzly Adams and Cher (ala Half Breed) ever had a love child, he would be it.  Full beard, long straight Cher hair, blue glasses, white leather outfit and braided pit hair.  You heard it right, BRAIDED PIT HAIR!!!  This guy is NEVER getting laid!  It suddenly made me feel better about my writing and myself.  Why?  First, because I don’t dress like that.  Second, because I think braided pit hair is gross and third, because if it wasn’t for fashion train wrecks like that, what would I have to write about?  Also, all three of the topics I hit on today (pit hair guy, re-writes are hard and stupid things I find in my notebook) were all abandoned blog ideas that I made work today.  Go me!

Now to get some re-writes done today.  I think I can tackle it!

Posted on June 14, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 3 Comments.

  1. Question: How does one braid pit-hair. Seems to suggest a certain level of flexibility. Maybe he gets laid more than you think! 😛

  2. The fact that you are agonizing over this means you are a writer— not a hobbyist. Congratulations!

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