Gay Cherry Mochas Meet The Cougar Girls
So the other day I was in The City for an interview and decided to stop by Starbucks for a Grande Non-fat No Water Chai Tea Latte. As I walked into the store, I was greeted by the most chipper gay man ever! “SWEETIE! How ya doin?! What can we get you today?” I told him and then he asked “Have you tried our new Dark Cherry Mocha?” I told him I hadn’t. It sounded kinda sweet to me, like Robitussin or the name of a stripper over at The Peppermint Rhino. I thought perhaps I would try one later until Mr. Starbucks steps in with a cherry “I’ll just whip you you a little one! Just a wee one for you to try!”
Well how can you turn down free and presented with such a sunshine smile? Sure enough, he whipped up a tiny, Barbie sized latte complete with whip and chocolate shavings. It wasn’t as sweet as I thought, the chocolate was more bittersweet. Not something I would drink all the time but it was nice. Perhaps it was made extra fabulous by my Basita. I was having a great morning and then… they came in.
A blousy pack of 40 something women on their way to work or a conference or a bar, push through the door. While I wasn’t paying much attention at first, since I was focused on my wee Barbie latte sample, I hear “b;ah, blah, blah… 22 year old stripper.”
My ears go up like Scooby Doo. Arrr?! The alpha with the huge helmet of spray hair, then started rambling about “Cougars are just the poo!” One of her friends chimes in with “But aren’t cougars hot like Demi Moore?” “Oh no!”, the big hair woman bellows, “They don’t have to be hot, they just need to chase cubs!” Then they all chime in together, “LIKE US!”
OK, get me out of here! These women have just harshed my perfect day mellow. My poor Barista looks like he wants to hide behind the counter or run from the store screaming, arms waving above head. If I wasn’t unemployed and poor, I would take out a billboard with these women’s faces on it to warn young men of this impending train wreck.
Ladies, let’s not aspire to the most unattractive, pathetic traits of aging men (i.e. chasing girls young enough to be their kids) just to make you feel younger. Remember, it’s called self-esteem because it comes from yourself, not from other people.