The Biggest Douche On Planet Earth (Sorry, he’s not from SF)

(Today I present a Classic Column because I have been deep in book writing hell, have school gigs to do and have to dig for buried treasure on Facebook.  Will return with another radio blog on Monday.)

The Biggest Douche, in my opinion, is …. Scott Alexander from Manchester in England.

I stumbled on this steroid, botox, bad plastic surgery train wreck on BBC America. It was a show called Britain’s Biggest Spenders.

Why do I think he is a huge douche? Here are my observations….

He spent 6 million pounds in one month (that is about 10.5 – 12 million US dollars). Why?

He bought a TOWN in Bulgaria (really? really?), and renamed it…. yup you guessed it – Alexander.

He has an oyster Rolex – had the entire thing encrusted in diamonds (the entire band) and had No 1 put on the face in saphires.

He bought a new villa when his pad in Manchester wasn’t enough. He wants to tear up the Italian tile in the foyer and … yeah, you guessed it… spell out “No 1” as the “main feature” of the house. He thinks it will define the house. Yeah, define it as the house of the Biggest Douche on Planet Earth.

He has the most fucked up face I have ever seen. He injects himself with some mystery Hollywood shit that costs $2,000 a shot for “eternal youth”. Well dude, with the bad tanning bed tan and the roid muscles, I guess the bad Botox shit in your face was just a foregone conclusion but really?

He is determined to show Bulgarians style in dress so he shows up to a casino with a wide ass collar and a shirt unbuttoned down to his balls to show off his waxed chest. This isn’t style. This is just douchy and you are their King.

Personally, I don’t care how much money he has. I wouldn’t touch him with a 10 ft pole. I wouldn’t marry him for any amount of money. Now if you had my family held hostage – OK. Then I would make sure he vanished as soon as possible and take all his dough for my traumatized trouble. Honestly, if any woman would do him for the dough – shame on you because there are just some things that go beyond the beyond and doing The King of All Douches is one of them.

Hell, I was beading, saw this – it was a train wreck – couldn’t turn away and thought I would share. Now we can all feel better about ourselves knowing that while we may be subsisting on Government Cheese at least we have our self-respect and aren’t a King Douche like this guy.

Posted on May 14, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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