I Know Why Tigers Eat Their Young – The Shrieking Baby Dilemma

You know the ones I’m talking about.  Not the regular crying or fussing but those high-pitched, ear drilling shrieks that make finger nails on a chalk board sound like Chopin.  They could be shrieks of joy or discomfort or angst but they are piercing and annoying and just makes me want to pitch your darling bundle into the bay to see how many sharks it can scare off.

Personally I think nature engineered this high decibel sound as a survival mechanism.  Perhaps in the wild, if human young could emit this sound it would drive carnivores back in droves, sending the message “I am too unpleasant to eat, move along”.  Well , since we have moved beyond the Savannah now, it is the parents responsibility to make sure when you are around others, to keep your childs glass shattering voice from driving a whole boat of commuters for example, to fits of infanticide.  This is why animals eat their young.  To shut it up and keep it from giving away their position to apex predators.  Think about this for a minute distracted parents who can’t be bothered to attend to your child.  You are letting your child shriek on a boat FULL of apex predators.

OK, we will give the vegan hippies a pass so that eliminates about 5% of the boat but the other 95% of us… Chum City, I’m telling ya.  Bring toys, food, a bottle, a boob, I really don’t care as long as your kid is doing something with his mouth besides acting like an air raid siren.

Posted on April 28, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

  1. Thanks for this useful article.

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