Rabbits: Prey or Pandimonium?

Now that Easter is over and the Easter Bunny has returned to Valhalla for another year, I was wondering a few things.

1) Are bunnies really as harmless as they look?

2) What does a rabbit have to do with Easter?

3) What happens when rabbits attack?

4) Has any child ever been attacked by the Easter Bunny?

#1 – Rabbits can be sweet little balls of fluff but push them too hard and they sink their fangs into your finger, forcing you to go to a Barber Surgeon to have it drained and cleaned lest they have to amputate your thumb.  True, I was trying to stuff the bunny into a cat harness at the time and he was displaying his displeasure but they can still be dangerous.

#2 – Nothing.  Unless you listen to the words of Matt & Trey from South Park where the underground group “The Hare Club for Men” venerate of St. Peter (Cottontail) as the first Pope.  They even have their own version of the Here Comes Peter CottonTail Song in latin:

Sanctum Piter oteum, Deus ore uneum.
Hippitus hoppitus reus homine.
In suspiratoreum, lepus in re sanctum.
Hippitus hoppitus Deus Domine.

I decided to ask my fiance Jesus about it and he confirmed the South Park story “I figured there was no way any one guy (Mary M pokes him in the shoulder) or gal, could speak for all of Christianity.  Human beings are fallible while rabbits are pure, tolerant and not able to be corrupted. So I decided to give the Church to a rabbit.  Actually I gave it at first to my brother James but everyone starting following that whack job Paul and things went down hill from there – hence – The Rabbit.  The Pope’s mitre is shaped the way it is so a rabbits ears will fit.  I mean, honestly, do you think a man would wear a funny hat like that for the sake of fashion?”  There, you’ve heard it from the big JC himself.

#3 – Attack rabbits are very prevalent.  More so than it may seem.  There are times things really get ugly as evidenced by the following.  (WARNING: this picture contains graphic rabbit violence and is not intended to be viewed by children.  Parental discretion is advised.)

#4 – I have searched high and low for the answer to this question and I think I have found it!  This exclusive video shows the threat we all live under.  Men, women and children alike.

You have been warned!  Rabbits are not the furry little lunch nuggets we thought they were.  They are ornery, vicious, in positions of power and are now coming from Outer Space bent on world domination.  Protect yourself, before it is too late!

Posted on April 21, 2010, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. We once had a rabbit (a buck) at the animal shelter that was so mean we couldn’t adopt him out. He was “unsafe” and “unadoptable”. When the time came for him to walk the green mile, it took 4 hits of euthanol to send him to The Rainbow Bridge….. FOUR SEPARATE DOSES of that poison!!! That was enough to kill a small rottweiller! Those rabbits can be evil…

    That’s why that demon on Buffy the Vampire Slayer hated them.

  2. I so agree! I love it when Anya dressed like a bunny for Halloween because it was the scariest costume she could think of and she’s a demon!

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