Vajazzling

It seems Jennifer Love Hewitt (The Ghost Whisperer) has a shiny new toy that has all her friends and fans whispering.  What is it?  Well, it seems it is a sparkly new Va JJ.  Miss Hewitt went on The View to plug her new book and gave the ladies tips on how to raise your self-esteem.  It seems wearing pretty underwear, taking a bath with champagne and a tiara are top contenders but she also mentioned putting Swarovski crystals on her .. off-shore bank account.

Personally I think the woman has clean lost her mind.  Obviously her Happy Meal not only is missing the fries but the dipping sauce for her McNuggets.  Why am I picking on poor, tiny, Miss “needs to eat a sandwich” Hewitt?

1) Can we please stop it with books on love and self-esteem from celebrities.  She takes a bath wearing a tiara to make herself feel special?  SPECIAL?!  Honey you have a hit TV show, a 16″ waist and a pile of money!  How much more special do you want to be?  I could stomach this a lot more if it came from a “normal gal” who isn’t living in a McMansion in La La Land.

2) You put crystals on your kitty?!  There are only 2 questions that come to mind – why and how?  How do you get the crystals to stay there?  Sew them on?  Glue them?  Does it matter if you have a carpet, area rug or hardwood floors?  I wouldn’t want to glue crystals to a carpet.  If you get the peel & stick variety to affix to hardwood floors, how well do they really stick?  Do they fall off, showering people in a rain of gems?  What if they fall off at inopportune times?  Is it a choking hazard? Hey!  Inquiring minds want to know!

Why even do this in the first place?  Little Miss Romantic would have you believe it makes you feel pretty or sassy.  Guess what, I can feel sassy without having hot pink lead crystal glued to my hey nonny nonny.  I can, really.  Several magazine articles claim that men think it’s great  What?!  Really? REALLY?!  I can not believe that men think this.  I can not picture some guys wife/girlfriend/regular call girl stripping, flashing her disco ball vagina and having them think “Wow!  That is so wonderful!  I love that!”  Now if you put a steak and a glass of scotch by your crotch I CAN see them thinking that.  It sounds like huge PR stunt to (a) sell books and (b) sell stick-on Swarovski crystals.

By now you are thinking, “What does this have to do with San Francisco?”.  Well, nothing EXCEPT when I heard about this I immediately thought of our great drag community and asked myself how many of our Ladies would glitter their candy?  I’m thinking not many as they have WAY too much sense, fashion & otherwise.

So ladies, would you do this?  Gentlemen, would you want your lady to do this?  The polls are open.

Posted on March 31, 2010, in Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. agreed! I would think that your significant other (be they long term or du jour) would really be happy that they were being aloud access to your vagina. While crystals would probably stick to my… marble floors, I can’t imagine they’d be comfortable for either of us. Plus the money spent on crystals would be much more appreciated if spent otherwise … steak dinner, favorite spirits, tickets to a concert or the big game.

  2. I’m with you on the self-love BS from celebrities. Just the resources needed to “feel good” if we used that advice… (tho I can attest to wearing cute underwear as a mood booster!) Its useful tho, to realize that everyone has down days, no matter how far they get. Money and worldly success can’t buy happiness, clearly.

    As to decorating my nether region… I don’t even wear face makeup, I hardly think I’m gonna bother with intimate jewelry. But I don’t see how its a problem if others think its sexy or feel sexy with it. I’m sure like everything else, there’s those that like it and those who it does nothing for. Is it a publicity stunt? OF COURSE IT IS! She’s a celebrity. Doing publicity stunts is pretty much the job description. But if blinging up your nanana makes you happy, I don’t have a problem with that. I’m actually kind of sad that its a sensational statement. I just don’t CARE what anyone does under their clothes!

  3. Honey, I can say that I give this blog post five thumbs up. that’s fingers, toes and… well, the crystals on my hey nonny nonny?

    Hilarious. And I can truly say, I do not believe my gentleman would want me to do this. I think he’d vote for the scotch. And he’s a great guy. But– scotch would win hands down.

    Keep up the awesome, funny writing!

  4. “is it a choking hazard?”

    Dies laughing…

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